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What was the conflict?
What role did you play?
Who were the other participants in the negotiation?
Knowing what you know now, how might you have changed your actions or improved the solution?
A year or two ago I experienced a conflict with an associate that I oversee. She had come to me with an issue, and she wanted me to resolve it. She felt that one of the members of the group that she was tasked to oversee, whom I will call Bob, was not performing up to the standard, and she demanded that he be replaced. I did not feel that replacing him was the best option. I felt that we could work with him, express our concerns, coach him, and help him to improve. I was in the position to make the decision, so I told her that we would not replace Bob, but that we would try to help him to grow into the position. That is how we handled the situation for a time.
This associate continued to bring up the concern about Bob’s underperformance. She was essentially demanding that I do something to resolve the issue. At one point I finally realized that I needed to step back and get a view “from the balcony” (Ury, 2013). As I stepped back and took a different view of the conflict, I realized that there was something at stake that was much more important than Bob’s position in this group. I realized that the relationship between this associate and I was being stressed by my unwillingness to see things from her side. She was losing confidence in my abilities to lead, and even questioning her own abilities to lead her group. At one point she said that the worst part of her assignment was dealing with me.
I had been using a forcing response to resolve the conflict. A forcing response to conflict is one in which one’s own needs are satisfied at the expense of the other individual through formal authority or position (Whetten & Cameron, 2016). I was using my position and higher authority to ensure that Bob maintain his position in the group. One of the reasons that I hesitated to remove Bob from the group was that we simply did not have enough people to staff all the necessary positions. This associate was asking that high performing members of other groups be reassigned to her group, and asking that we reassign a low performing member of her group elsewhere. Once I was finally able to “go to the balcony” we began to brainstorm the situation, and came up with a reasonable solution that was satisfactory to both of us. We determined that the best solution was to reassign Bob to another group, to reassign one of her highly capable assistants to Bob’s position, and assign a lower performing individual with potential as one of her assistants. We were able to use a collaborating approach to resolve the issue by addressing the concerns of both parties (Whetten & Cameron, 2016).
One of the biggest mistakes that I made throughout the conflict was that I began to focus on what I perceived as personality flaws in my associate; that she was being unreasonable, not respecting my authority, and I even thought “maybe she just doesn’t like me.” I struggled to keep focus “on the real issue: solving the problem (as opposed to ‘fixing’ the other person)” (Whetten & Cameron, 2016). I harmed our relationship by attempting to point out that one of her responsibilities was to help the members of her group be successful. In doing this I was insinuating that she was not performing her job. I struggled to be empathetic and see things from her point of view. I could have avoided all of these issues by defining and maintaining focus on the real problem, and not getting distracted by the symptoms (Whetten & Cameron, 2016).
Ury (2013) discussed the importance of identifying a “3rd side” in every conflict. He suggested that we, the community, are the 3rd side of most conflicts. By identifying the 3rd side, and determining what is at stake, resolution can be accomplished. As I was able to refocus on the organization as a whole (the community) and consider different aspects of the real problem, I was able to see what was really at stake, and what was best for the organization.
Intent on preventing this situation from reoccuring I decided to begin meeting with each group leader monthly to offer support and motivation, and to ensure that lines of communication always stay open.
References
Ury, W. (2013, August 18). The walk from "no" to "yes" [Video file]. Retrieved from https://ed.ted.com/lessons/the-walk-from-no-to-yes-william-ury
Whetten, D. A. & Cameron, K. S. (2016). Developing management skills 9th ed. Boston, MA: Pearson.
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